When I was younger, I would use writing as a way of "getting my thoughts out" so I didn't have to think of them anymore. I didn't have many happy thoughts then. I thought that writing them down on paper would make it easier somehow to deal with life. It's funny, because writing those things down actually made them permanent. Like the little tiny dots of scars left after stitches come out. I sometimes look back on those poems and blurbs from my journal and wonder who I really was back then.
I won't throw away those journals. They are a part of me that I had decided to keep on paper. Throwing them away would be like crumpling up my soul. But I do keep them locked away and only visit them on certain occasions.
I like to think I've changed and now I always try to make every single day better than the day before. I don't enjoy writing negative things unless there are positive outcomes that develop from them. Struggles are OK, as long as I find a way to overcome them. I have my family to thank for that.
I had written this yesterday as a Facebook status, but wanted to elaborate a bit on it here: Yesterday I was outside weeding the garden. My kids were playing on the driveway with chalk. I could hear them talking about Earth Day and flowers. My son said he wanted to draw a rose, so my daughter told him to try. He gave it a whirl and stood up unhappy with his creation. He put the chalk down and said he couldn't do it.
My daughter picked up his chalk and handed it back to him while telling him to keep trying. Keep trying. You can do it. If you stop now, you'll never do it.
I know it's sappy of me, but I cried. Before I even saw the rose my son drew, I cried. Before I saw his little face beaming with pride, I cried. And then I saw it... the most beautiful rose I'd ever seen.
I told my son it looked like it was a rose at dawn, just waiting for the sun to rise so it could bloom.
After I said that, I cried again because it clicked.
My children ARE that rose. All children are. Their little heads slightly bowed wondering if they are doing things right. Then that sun shines and they bloom into who they were meant to be.
I thanked my daughter for her encouragement and praised my son for his determination. Yesterday was a great day.
I can't help but think life is good. Sadness will always be there, but don't make it permanent.