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July 2012

Splash talk


If you've ever tried to have a conversation with your kids while they are swimming in a pool, you'll know it's next to impossible.  For every word you say, they will undoubtedly return with a "Huh?"  or "What did you say, Mom?"

By the time you repeat yourself they've already been under water since you re-opened your mouth to speak. Then it's up again for another "Huh?  Did you say something?" 

It's not their fault, really.  There is something about chlorinated pool water that forces kids to feel the constant need to go under it.  At all times. Especially when a parent needs to speak with them. 

...Unless of course the conversation is about the ice cream man, ice pops or fireworks.  Chlorinated water seems to have no affect on those topics.  As a matter of fact, I think kids actually hear the ice cream man's song even better under water.

So to clarify - Kids must go under chlorinated water at all times unless someone needs to talk to them about frozen treats or things that blow up.

The only way to get through to a swimming kid about anything else is to stand directly in front of her and wait for her little head to pop back up.  But when that happens, she will inadvertently spit water in your face while catching her breath which will result in your forgetting what you wanted to say in the first place.

I had one of those conversations earlier today with both my son and daughter:

Me: Hey kids, you've got 5 minutes left.

Son: Hey Mom, watch this!

Daughter: What, Mom?

Me: You've got five min...

SPLASH! Two little heads under water.

Me (waiting patiently until the heads reemerge): You've got five..

Son: Mom, did you SEE that?

Me (pretending to have witnessed yet another of his awesome underwater tricks): Yes, I saw, honey.  You've...


Daughter: What, Mom?

Me: I saaiiid, 'you...


Son: Watch THIS, Mom! (as he dunks under for the twentieth time in a row)

Daughter: Did you say something, Mom? (as she comes up for air)

Me: Yes, I said..

SPLASH! Both underwater again.

Me (not quite as patiently as before): Fireworks!

Both kids: What's up, Mom? (feining interest for a split second)

Me: I..


At this point, the five minutes is LONG past gone and I'm ready to puncture a hole in the pool so it mysteriously unfills overnight.

I stand directly in front of where I think both kids will resurface and grab them both lovingly by the shoulders as they make their ascent upwards.

As the water/spit hits me directly in both eyes and I try my best to keep from blinking, I say through a gritted teeth smile: It's time to get out of the pool, my darlings.

Wouldn't you know they replied with:

Aw, just five more minutes, Mom???