I've been sucked into Pinterest by its siren song. Everything on there looks exactly like what I want in my life. Beautiful eclectic flower arangements in recycled upside-down light bulbs hanging from a vintage tin ceiling that I could make myself. I'd love to whip up those gluten-free brownies for my kids and send them to school in brightly colored striped organic lunchboxes with little calligraphied witty pink notes that have pictures of 1950's moms on them. I have been fantasizing about all the beautiful tattoos I see on other people's arms and backs... peacock feathers...paisley prints...every color of the rainbow. Everything is so beautiful.
If I could, I'd tattoo my entire body with pictures of everything beautiful I could think of. I'd have full sleeves of all the things I love on each arm. I'd have vines running up and down my legs with beautiful flowers every once in a while. I'd streak my hair with bright red and cut it short - REALLY short. I'd pierce my eyebrow. I'd wear hats.
I might even put on lipstick.
Outside of the computer world, I look pretty basic. My blonde hair is constantly in a frazzled ponytail. I wear my mom uniform of jeans, Converse sneaks and a hoodie. I might sometimes go a little crazy and paint my nails blue, but for the most part I don't look anything like I feel.
Sometimes my daughter lets me live vicariously through her. She let me buy her a jacket that looked straight out of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club last year and she wore the heck out of it.
But here's the thing: I might not look exactly how I want to look, but I still feel the way I want. I am my kids' mom and my husband's wife. They know me inside and out. They know what I like and what I don't. They know that under my hoodie and jeans, I'll always be a little bit different. I'm NOT the same as everyone else. I'm who I want to be.