Mirror mirror...
Letter to my daughter on her 18th birthday (about 10 years from now)

Who I want to be

052 (2)I've been sucked into Pinterest by its siren song.  Everything on there looks exactly like what I want in my life.  Beautiful eclectic flower arangements in recycled upside-down light bulbs hanging from a vintage tin ceiling that I could make myself.  I'd love to whip up those gluten-free brownies for my kids and send them to school in brightly colored striped organic lunchboxes with little calligraphied witty pink notes that have pictures of 1950's moms on them.  I have been fantasizing about all the beautiful tattoos I see on other people's arms and backs... peacock feathers...paisley prints...every color of the rainbow.  Everything is so beautiful.

If I could, I'd tattoo my entire body with pictures of everything beautiful I could think of.  I'd have full sleeves of all the things I love on each arm.  I'd have vines running up and down my legs with beautiful flowers every once in a while.  I'd streak my hair with bright red and cut it short - REALLY short.  I'd pierce my eyebrow.  I'd wear hats. 

I might even put on lipstick.

Outside of the computer world, I look pretty basic.  My blonde hair is constantly in a frazzled ponytail.  I wear my mom uniform of jeans, Converse sneaks and a hoodie.  I might sometimes go a little crazy and paint my nails blue, but for the most part I don't look anything like I feel. 

Sometimes my daughter lets me live vicariously through her.  She let me buy her a jacket that looked straight out of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club last year and she wore the heck out of it. 

But here's the thing: I might not look exactly how I want to look, but I still feel the way I want.  I am my kids' mom and my husband's wife.  They know me inside and out.  They know what I like and what I don't.  They know that under my hoodie and jeans, I'll always be a little bit different.  I'm NOT the same as everyone else.  I'm who I want to be.