Whatever Works

I'm not going to do what I'm not supposed to

Here's a little disclaimer before I even start this post about my son's antics:  I am currently feeling like crapola and have been laying on the couch all day with some sort of stomach bug.  Don't worry, I won't type BRB when I have to, um, excuse myself or anything.  I'll just stop typing and then start up again once I'm back.  You'll be none the wiser.  I just figured I'd let you know how I'm feeling today in case you come across some unexplainable typos or misuse of words.  Feel free to let me know if you do find them and I'll happily fix them when I'm feeling better and can see straight.

Anywho, on to the reason for this post.  It's about my son.  He's a cutie, but like most 3 year-olds he doesn't know right from wrong all the time.  But like most 3 year-olds, he knows that his cuteness will sometimes get him out of trouble when he does one of those wrong things.  For a while, his tactic was to do said wrong thing and then tell us about it.

    My son:   Mom, I wiped boogers into my carpet during my nap, OK? 

    Me:            No, Buddy...it's not OK.  Please don't do it again.

    My son:   OK!

But that's so stinkin' cute, right?  I mean, what's a couple boogers anyway?  I let that one slide.  ..not literally.  I cleaned it up of course.

He went through the day telling my husband and me everything that he did in hopes that it was OK, but more times than not we had to tell him it wasn't.  Drawing on the table with permanent marker isn't OK.  Licking the guard rail while waiting in line for a train ride isn't OK.  Spraying sister's perfume all over the place isn't OK.

After a while, we got him to understand that while we appreciate his honesty he shouldn't be doing these things in the first place.  So now, he tells us every time he DOESN'T do something bad. 

    My son:        Mom, I did NOT put my mouth on the window.  I did NOT.

    Me:                 Good job, Buddy!

    My son:        I did NOT.

He's not saying it in a accusatory way.  He's just matter-of-factly letting me know.  He woke up this morning and the first words out of his mouth were, "Mom, I'm not going to do what I'm not supposed to do." 

He has been very true to his word so far today.  According to him, he did NOT put his finger in his butt, he did NOT eat Play Doh, he did NOT rip the Christmas cards off the wall (he only ripped a little bit), he did NOT stick his breakfast fork in his eye, he did NOT put his fingers in his mouth after he did NOT touch his butt and most importantly he did NOT wipe any more boogers into the carpet.

So, today's a pretty good day.

 

Eating Oreos while brushing my teeth

When carrying a bunch of clean socks to their final drawer destinations, I inevitably drop at least one.  When I go to pick it up, another one will fall.  I get that one, and another lands on the ground.  And so it goes until I usually give up and throw the whole lot up the staircase with high hopes they all land at least NEAR the door of the room they need to be in.  There they will stay collecting dust until someone realizes they need to be somewhere and puts them in the hamper. 

I heard the saying once:

'Cleaning your house while the kids are home is like brushing your teeth while eating an Oreo.'

That saying hit the nail directly on the head for me.  The dusty socks I threw up the stairs are just the tiniest pieces of cloth, but they add up.  One sock in the hallway seems to have a positive attraction to at least 2 other negative non-lifeforms at all times.  Usually some type of toy - which will also end up in the hamper.  Usually that will be the toy my kids NEED the MOST so we'll comb through every inch of floor space in every room until we finally hear the unusual clanking coming from the dryer.  Now the dryer's broken and the house is once again a mess.

My kids' attitudes are, well, if it's just going to get messy again, why clean it in the first place?  I think I might take them up on that. 

No more laundry sounds like a magical Christmas morning.  Toys everywhere?  ...Who cares?!  Dinner?  I'm sure you can find something in the pantry for yourself.  I've got a lot of books to catch up on.

My son says he STILL doesn't love me...still

It's been weeks since my last post about how my son doesn't love me.   Weeks.  I thought it was a thing of the past.  I thought we had gone through that phase and come out the other side blowing bubbles and dancing with giggling faces. 

I was wrong.

Once again, my son has taken away my bubbly dreams and put them under his bed with that one random sock and the lonely dust bunnies.  I hate it under here.  I want to be out there with my beautiful little boy, but he doesn't want me anymore.  He only wants to play boy stuff with boys.  No more mommy snuggles or cutie patootie laughing fits after tickles.  No more kisses without wiping them away.  No more I love you, Mommy. 

You'd think the kid would know better being that it's less than a week till Christmas, but nope.  I can't even ploy him with the good ol' Santa's Watching technique.  He doesn't care about all that.  He won't even let me blow him a kiss before bed. 

I really don't know if he's kidding anymore.  I really think his little 3-year-old brain is contemplating it.  I am not sad about that aspect.  It means he's thinking of important things and making important decisions.  That's a good thing.  Just means I need to step up my game.

I guess I'll just have to love him double.  What's double of infinity again?

Check out this awesome mug my friend sent me after reading about how my son doesn't love me. Hahahah!!!!

I've got the moves like Martha

The last couple weeks, I've given myself a challenge.  Since Christmas is coming, we've been tightening the belt in other areas of our family life around here so we can scrape together some gifts for the kiddies.  I decided that I am NOT going grocery shopping (except for the essentials like milk, produce, liquor and eggs) and will be making up meals with strictly what I can find in our pantry and freezer.  Of course, it started out wonderfully...Shrimp Fra Diavalo, crusty Italian bread and a lush garden salad with croutons. Now we're down to reheated McDonald's fries and tap water, but at least we have food in our bellies.   Here are a few things I've learned on this journey:

- When you add corn starch and water to cooked frozen spinach, you get the slime they used on You Can't Do That on Television.

- Karo syrup isn't  good for anything except making candy or pretending it's snot. 

- I don't remember EVER buying that can of coconut milk.

- Strawberry jelly mixed with Italian salad dressing is delicious.

- Putting on the Nightmare Before Christmas during dinner (more specifically during a scene with the brown guy who constantly oozes and drips) will make any meal you give your family look more appetizing by comparison.  That's a good night to try that Tupperware container of stuff you found in the WAY back of the freezer.

- The frozen peas that were used as icebags after surgery don't taste much different than any other frozen peas.

- Giving the kids an extra multi-vitamin when they ask for more at breakfast doesn't count as "more breakfast" to them.

- Even after two weeks of doing this, we STILL haven't touched the quinoa I found on the top shelf.

- We have a bottle of Jagermeister in the freezer.

- My kids love hot dog buns with butter.

- My kids love hot dog buns without butter.

- My kids love butter by itself.

- My kids think margarine IS butter when we run out of butter.

- I can't trick my kids with butter flavored Pam when we run out of margarine.

-Popcorn is a fine breakfast cereal substitute.  It's whole grain and has less sugar.

- You CAN get sick of pasta.  Especially when you run out of the good stuff and are stuck with the whole wheat kind you bought back when you thought being healthy was going to happen.

- There are still the same amount of dishes after dinner no matter what you cook.

I've never appreciated my status as a Price Plus card holder more than I do right now.  It has been a long couple weeks, and I am ready to run full speed, jump directly into ShopRite's beef display and make a snow angel.   Beef, it's for dinner tonight!  ...with shots of Jager on the side.