I was just looking in my attic for our Halloween decorations. Amongst the metal pumpkin pickin' signs and numerous size 2T costumes, I found my old writing journals. I had been looking for them for a while. I was hoping they could give me some inspiration when I'm having a bit of writer's block.
I sat right down on the plywood and opened up to a page. This is what I read:
I burned my eyes in your heart's sun
Your residual glow tainting everyone
Leaving me with tainted thoughts
Giving you a saintly gloss that
covers up your wicked soul
Never leaving me as whole
Must've been about an old boyfriend or something. Was I a lover scorned? I don't remember. I kept reading and found numerous dreary song lyrics that I made up. Did I think I was going to be in a band? I also don't remember.
Why don't I remember the details? It all seems so long ago, my old life. I was so unhappy once, and I've blocked it all out. I'm glad for it, too. Things now are SO different. Back then, I could've never imagined a life like the one I have now. I only thought of sadness. I only dreamed for something better, but I didn't know what "better" really meant. Looking back feels like recalling a so-so movie I watched once. One that was OK, but I wouldn't want to watch again.
Thinking of my life now, it's in 3D Technicolor with Surround Sound. I'm very grateful.
I know my kids will experience sadness at one time or another. And I know I can't really do anything to keep it away. But I CAN stay positive and help them understand that life goes on. Even after you feel like you're at your worst. Those journals will remind me. There is ALWAYS a light. Always.