We'll sleep when we're dead
Up all night

Out with the old

003

I was just looking in my attic for our Halloween decorations.  Amongst the metal pumpkin pickin' signs and numerous size 2T costumes, I found my old writing journals.  I had been looking for them for a while.  I was hoping they could give me some inspiration when I'm having a bit of writer's block. 

I sat right down on the plywood and opened up to a page.  This is what I read:

    

    I burned my eyes in your heart's sun

    Your residual glow tainting everyone

    Leaving me with tainted thoughts

    Giving you a saintly gloss that

        covers up your wicked soul

    Never leaving me as whole


Must've been about an old boyfriend or something.  Was I a lover scorned?  I don't remember.  I kept reading and found numerous dreary song lyrics that I made up.  Did I think I was going to be in a band?  I also don't remember. 

Why don't I remember the details?  It all seems so long ago, my old life.  I was so unhappy once, and I've blocked it all out.  I'm glad for it, too.  Things now are SO different.  Back then, I could've never imagined a life like the one I have now.  I only thought of sadness.  I only dreamed for something better, but I didn't know what "better" really meant.   Looking back feels like recalling a so-so movie I watched once.  One that was OK, but I wouldn't want to watch again. 

Thinking of my life now, it's in 3D Technicolor with Surround Sound.  I'm very grateful.

I know my kids will experience sadness at one time or another.  And I know I can't really do anything to keep it away.  But I CAN stay positive and help them understand that life goes on.  Even after you feel like you're at your worst. Those journals will remind me.  There is ALWAYS a light.  Always.

Comments