I should be working, but I just had the best morning and wanted to get this out before the scent of playground metal leaves my hands.
Some days even the most tedious of activities can turn into the most fun. This week I started working again. I mean, I'm a mom, so I'm really always working. But I started writing for pay again on Monday which means I have to be on an actual schedule or I will pretty much fall victim to my own lack of self discipline and immediately regret my work before I even start each day.
So I put myself on a strict write-five-articles-each-day-before-the-sun-comes-up regimen and have been sticking with it. Although last night I looked at the calendar and realized that this morning I would have to change it up a bit because circled in red were the words Allergy Shots right there staring back at me.
Every second of every minute for the rest of last night I sat calculating and recalculating how I would get the rest of my work done this morning considering I had to stop midstream and go to the far reaches of the next town to get stuck with magic allergy needles. I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I basically burned the toast for our dinner BLTs. I still don't really know if the kids took showers or even brushed their teeth before bed. I couldn't sleep when I went to bed. I was kept awake by the fear that I would lose my entire week of being disciplined simply because I had a slight change in my schedule. I felt like a smoker who quit years ago but was on the brink of having just one more and then watching the rest of my life go down the tubes...
But when I woke up this morning, guess what I did.
I just said f**k it.
I sat in front of the laptop aimlessly trying to figure out how I could work the day and instead of giving it any more thought I closed the lid, got up and went into the living room where my son was sitting. I asked him to go wake up his sister and we were off.
Instead of worrying any more, I just stopped. We got my allergy shots and then went to breakfast at the diner. I let my 10 year-old daughter order a short stack of chunky monkey pancakes from the adult menu while my son ordered the "Boots" from the kids menu (which was a short stack of chunky monkey pancakes). My son got some hot chocolate with whipped cream. We talked and laughed while I sipped my coffee and the two ate their identical yet completely different breakfasts.
"What should we do next?" I asked.
We decided on the park at their school because it is always exciting to play at school without all the rules. Instead of sitting on a bench and watching, I joined them in their quest to be as quiet as possible while climbing across everything. We were ninjas. We walked up the slides. We scaled the tops of the handrails with our feet. We jumped from the rock wall to the next obstacle with ease.
We rested in the climbing tube all tangled up with each other's limbs. I could see my daughter's hair was stuck to her face. I'm sure mine was, too. My son's cheek was right next to my lips so I kissed it. It felt surreal; like it couldn't possibly be real life. But just as that moment felt like it was about to flit away like a dandelion seed, it rushed back into my heart and stayed there.
We all decided that this has been the best morning of the summer. Hands down. No contest.
And all that work I was worried about last night? I still have to do it. But I know it will flow off my fingertips now. All because I stopped worrying.