« February 2014 | Main | April 2014 »

March 2014

If I were your friend...

If I were your age, my sweet daughter, would we be friends?  Would you sit next to me at the lunch table?  Or pass notes in class?  Would we sleep over each other's houses on Friday nights and giggle well after our parents told us to quiet down?  

Or would I be the shy one in the corner always wishing for a friend like you?  I would be too shy to approach you, because of the aura you emit.  I would be afraid that I couldn't possibly be enough for a girl like you.  

But you would see me.  I know it.  You have X-ray eyes that see directly into souls.  You would quietly smile at me and ask me to play at recess.  You would send me a text one day with some funny emoticons.  We would be inseparable.

If I were your friend, I would hang on your every word.  I would trust that you speak the truth.  I would dress like you on Twin Day and paint my nails all different colors like you.  I would strive to be more like you.

But you wouldn't let me, would you?  You would insist that I be my own person.  That I pursue what I love.  You would dress like ME on Twin Day.  You would be my champion.  

But I'm not your friend, am I?  No.  I'm your mom.  Even though I so badly want to be your friend, I can't.  I am supposed to mold you into a fine young woman.  I am supposed to be the one you look up to and ask for answers.  I am supposed to discipline you when you do something that goes against the rules I have set forth.  

It's hard sometimes, my sweet daughter, to be a mom.  It's hard to not cross that line between being a friend and being a parent.  

I want us to run in the sunlight together without thinking about making it home in time for dinner.

I want to see what your smile looks like when you aren't with me.  Is it the same?

I want to be young with you again.

But...  when I was young, I dreamed of being older.  Of being a mom.  YOUR mom.

You are the exact person I wanted in my life.  God answered my every prayer when you were born.  Being your mom is exactly what I prayed for when I was your age.  I am exactly where I have wanted to be for my entire life.

I will always wonder what it could have been like if we were friends.  I promise to break through sometimes and pretend I'm not your mom.  But I love the roles we have in this world.  I hope you do too.