An interview with my daughter: Our review of the Gripcase iPad2 cover
Snippets of the past few years

Re-embracing motherhood

Re-embracing Motherhood

One of the things I've learned while dabbling in the social media field is that people like to read statisics.  Well, here's one for ya: I've been a mom for more than 1/4 of my entire life.  

For the past 10 of my 39 years here on this earth, I've spent a lot of time changing diapers, fixing lunches, arguing the importance of completing the before school ritual before playing video games, making beds -ok, not really so much on the "making beds" part because I do hold to that theory that Hey, you're just going to get back in it in a couple hours so why make it, BUT I digress...  

Bottom line: I'm a mom.

Out of those 10 years minus time spent completing all the motherly tasks and sometimes sleeping, I think I have spent the majority of my time playing with my kids.  After about year 8, I got tired of it.

Yes, you read that right.  I didn't want to play anymore.  

I got tired of Candyland.  I didn't want to make forts.  I completely stopped enjoying the swingset.  

I just wanted to sit back and observe.  

I started to get annoyed when my kids would ask me to join them in every single thing they did.  No, I don't want to ride bikes.  No, I don't want to jump in the sprinklers.  

No, I don't want to play.

Then one day I heard myself say that out loud.  And it sounded so incredibly horrible that I wanted to jump out a window.  I felt like Mommie Dearest.  What was wrong with me?  Why couldn't I just play?  

All I could think of was the term Seven Year Itch, but in my case it was about motherhood.  At the same time my kids craved my attention, I craved to go off to foreign lands...like any store other than Target, Justice or Five Below.  My kids wanted another teammate for a pick up game of tag, and I wanted to sit in the sun.  I wanted quiet.

Was I becoming a horrible person?  Was I really done with all the fun of motherhood?  Did I give up on my kids?

No.  To all of that self-depricating bullshit...  Just no.

When I was playing all the time and not enjoying it, I was feeling down on myself.  I wasn't really playing; I was fake playing.  And how is that good for anyone?  The kids might have an extra body to complete their basketball team, but that's it.  I wasn't teaching them anything.  I wasn't smiling.  I was actually quite childish when I forced myself into their games.  I'm not proud of it by any means.

I felt very selfish about wanting to be alone for a while.  But I realize that I must have needed it.  In some way, God was telling me to step back and reevaluate the situation.  

So I said no when my kids asked me to race them in MarioKart.  I declined their invitation to a dance party.  I chose to talk with my friend on the bench instead of climbing the equipment at the playground.  

I needed to show my kids that I am a person outside of being Mom.  They needed to see me doing things that I like.   And to be honest, I needed to remind myself what activities and things I actually do like!

 As weird as it may sound, it made me feel strong again. Once I re-embraced my own self, I was able to re-embrace motherhood, too.  Now I feel like I can do anything.

...Even play a game of Monopoly all the way through.  

 

 

Comments