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July 2011

Whip It Good!

I find myself crying a lot lately. Not sobbing, but emotional crying. Sometimes it's happy, sometimes it's reflective, sometimes it's just plain old sad. My mom and I call it Pin Drop Crying because the both of us have always been able to cry so easily...at the drop of a hat seemed like too much. A pin dropping is more like it. Any little thing can set us off. Sometimes just a look from my kids can do it. The pin drops and makes a ripple where I can see their entire futures and their children and them not needing me anymore...sniff sniff.... ok enough with the example. It made me cry just writing it.

I don't think it's a bad thing. It helps me clear the cobwebs sometimes. A friend once told me that crying gets out bad hormones in your tears, so I've been sticking to that ever since. I look at crying as a form of detox. And who couldn't use a little cleansing, right?

The thing that made me cry last night was a movie called Whip It. It starred Ellen Page as Bliss - a 17 year old girl who wanted out of her small town and away from her mom's dream of her being a beauty pageant queen. To do so, she joined a roller derby team and skated under the name Babe Ruthless. It was AWESOME. She kicked serious butt! The movie had great music in it and great comedic talent. But it still made me cry.

It didn't help that Ellen Page has ALWAYS looked exactly like what I think my niece is going to look like when she grows up. But when the mom came to see Babe Ruthless play in her final derby after she had just walked out of the BIG pageant, I completely lost it. That mom was so brave.

Of course, I pictured my 7 year old daughter and the first time she will defy me. I pictured her not with a roller derby outfit on, but with maybe a Nascar suit next to a car I never knew she even had, let alone built herself. "But Mom... you HAVE to listen to me. I can DO this." When that happens, I will cry again. But I will also know she CAN do it, because she will believe in herself. And I believe in her, too.

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Like Son, Like Mother

056 Every summer my daughter has a special trip with her grandparents...both sides. This year my parents took her to see the Statue of Liberty, which she thought was amazing. My husband's parents have a tradition every year of taking her and her cousin to the boardwalk for a wonderful evening of rides and games and ice cream cones. Both trips are equally loved and are always anticipated upon once the very thought of summer comes up in conversation. This year, both sets of grandparents thought it would be a perfect time to bring my 3 year old son aboard for these adventures. My parents didn't take him to see Miss Liberty, but will be taking him on a seperate trip to the zoo. Last night, my in-laws took him with the girls to the boardwalk. He was SO excited.

All day long until Granny & Chief came to pick them up, he paced. He paced and asked questions. They all sounded basically like this, "Mom...what time are they coming?" Since he doesn't know how to actually tell time, I told him they would be coming after his nap. It was 7:30AM when these questions started...by 7:45, he was ready for his nap. Since he normally doesn't take his nap until about 1:30PM, I had to revamp my timeline for him. I told him his nap would come after we ate lunch. By 8:15, he was ready for lunch. By 9, I suggested we call Granny...maybe she could help make him understand. He sat patiently waiting with the huge phone to his little ear. Voicemail. "Mom, she didn't answer. Does that mean they're coming now?"

As funny as this all sounds, it made me smile for a different reason. He wanted to go! He hasn't wanted to be away from me at ALL since I made him go to summer camp a couple weeks ago. That was a disaster all on its own which I like to now refer to as The Days of Which We Do Not Speak. (To read more about that craziness, click here.) Anyway, the day went on and on with the questions. Granny & Chief finally got here at 4... he was beside himself. We had been waiting on the porch for what felt like an eternity. They loaded up in the truck ...3 cousins and 2 grandparents...and were on their merry way.

My husband and I took full advantage of the kidless evening and went out for a nice dinner and movie combo. Japanese hibachi steak & shrimp and Harry Potter's last flick. Great movie...highly recommend. But I couldn't help think - nonstop - about what time the kids would be back. What time? When? What time is it now? What time did Granny say? When dinner's over, then it's just a movie and they'll be back, right? Right?! ..right?


A Lifetime in Chalk

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I watched my kids draw with chalk in the driveway for a while yesterday. I sat and picked weeds from the lawn while my daughter drew an entire universe. She's 7. Her mind started blooming artistically when she was 2. She painted a masterpiece with her fingers then. It was a Halloween pumpkin. OK, she didn't know what she did and ate more of the paint than anything, but that's ok. Yesterday, she drew a chalk solar system and put each of her family members on a planet. Of course I was on Pluto while she and her brother were on Mars and the Moon completely unsupervised. Daddy got to be on Saturn because that's the special planet....with the rings and all. He was at work, so my daughter wanted him to have a place on the best planet when he got home. She also wrote him a little note saying I Love You Dad! Looking at the starry skies she created, it made me happy. SHE made me happy. She gets it...when her brother started drawing on her creations, she made a hopscotch for him and taught him how to play. When he understood, she went back to her drawing. It made me think of her as an adult...caring for her own kids...keeping them happy while also keeping herself happy. I had to stop pulling weeds for a minute and take it all in. The universe on our driveway was immense. Our family took up the bulk of it. The words I Love You Dad were the biggest bit of it all. This was the picture of my daughter's universe. Filled with family and love. I hope it never rains.

Why I'm Doing This...

I'm not quite sure why in the world I started doing this...writing down my inner-most thoughts and then publishing them for the world -or the 3 people that may follow my blog- to see. But somewhere along the lines I thought it was a good idea, I guess. See, my mind gets full...sometimes so full that I can actually SEE the overflow. Sorta like a thought bubble clouding my vision. If I don't disperse of that bubble, I'm cloudy the entire day and don't think straight. That doesn't work well when you're a mom. Your kids start asking you the same questions over and over...not because they want to be annoying, but because you actually don't hear them. SO...after much (not so much) coaxing from my family and friends, I decided to start up a little nook here on the internet where I can shoo that thought bubble away and get on with my day.