I find myself crying a lot lately. Not sobbing, but emotional crying. Sometimes it's happy, sometimes it's reflective, sometimes it's just plain old sad. My mom and I call it Pin Drop Crying because the both of us have always been able to cry so easily...at the drop of a hat seemed like too much. A pin dropping is more like it. Any little thing can set us off. Sometimes just a look from my kids can do it. The pin drops and makes a ripple where I can see their entire futures and their children and them not needing me anymore...sniff sniff.... ok enough with the example. It made me cry just writing it.
I don't think it's a bad thing. It helps me clear the cobwebs sometimes. A friend once told me that crying gets out bad hormones in your tears, so I've been sticking to that ever since. I look at crying as a form of detox. And who couldn't use a little cleansing, right?
The thing that made me cry last night was a movie called Whip It. It starred Ellen Page as Bliss - a 17 year old girl who wanted out of her small town and away from her mom's dream of her being a beauty pageant queen. To do so, she joined a roller derby team and skated under the name Babe Ruthless. It was AWESOME. She kicked serious butt! The movie had great music in it and great comedic talent. But it still made me cry.
It didn't help that Ellen Page has ALWAYS looked exactly like what I think my niece is going to look like when she grows up. But when the mom came to see Babe Ruthless play in her final derby after she had just walked out of the BIG pageant, I completely lost it. That mom was so brave.
Of course, I pictured my 7 year old daughter and the first time she will defy me. I pictured her not with a roller derby outfit on, but with maybe a Nascar suit next to a car I never knew she even had, let alone built herself. "But Mom... you HAVE to listen to me. I can DO this." When that happens, I will cry again. But I will also know she CAN do it, because she will believe in herself. And I believe in her, too.